“I knew when you walked in you were gonna order the chicken”

Snail shells aren’t chitinous.

Crab shells are chitinous.

Hermit crabs are only partly chitinous, and the shells they use are not chitinous.

Hope that helps

Think about your entire life so far, from childhood to now. You have that much time again before you hit retirement age. You have plenty of time to find the right thing for you.

In scenario 1, can I still go out into my yard?

Eh, probably scenario 1 either way. I can spend the next 15 years making bank doing translations of books I want to read anyway. Maybe get a little academic clout working with dead languages. Make enough to build a house with a nice waterfront view, with a few acres of forest if I can go in the yard.

When I get bored of translations, I can try software development. Being fluent in every programming language should make me pretty productive.

“intoxicated from intranasal cocaine administration” is such a hilariously sterile way to say it.

I suggest “bug” applies exclusively to chitinous invertebrates.

Male genitalia requires adequate support to prevent chaffing, scrotal adhesion, and testicular endangerment.

Agreed, plus they provide no support. It’s like wearing a t-shirt as a bra

The next several words line up too, I just clipped them.

Based on the fact that you came to Lemmy for relationship advice, I’m gonna go ahead and assume you’re a huge dork. Fear not, I was once also a huge dork. I still am, but now I’m a kinda hot dork with a hot dork wife. I’ll tell you how I did it.

I’ll break this up into a few sections:

-1. Be Attractive

Rule 1 & 2 reign supreme. Even that quiet nerd you have your eye on wants a relatively attractive partner.

First, basic hygiene. I don’t know if this is an issue for you, but it was for me. Fresh breath, clean hair, and no detectable BO go a long way.

Second, exercise. Compound lifts and cardio. You’ll build discipline, a more attractive physique, and stamina for the consequences of being in a relationship.

Third, style. T-shirts and flip flops aren’t very attractive. Invest in a couple nice button downs, a nice pair of jeans, and shoes that make you look like a grown up. Go to your barber and have an honest conversation about hairstyles that suit you.

-2. Be Sociable

First, learn how to talk to people. It’s a cliche, but Carnegie’s HtWFaIP is a great starting place if you have difficultly maintaining small talk. But the best thing you can do, ultimately, is getting low stakes practice talking to people. Chit chat with the cashier, compliment random strangers on shirts you like, go to bars and strike up conversations. Conversation is a skill even introverts can learn.

Second, learn how to be rejected gracefully. Not every conversation is going to pan out. Understand that a failed conversation is not the end of the world, and appreciate it for the brief social practice. Not everyone is going to vibe with you, and that’s okay. But if you never put yourself out there, you’ll never find the ones that do. Learn to be okay with striking out, or fizzling.

Third, try to be interesting. Learn about things that other people find interesting. You can go a long, long way just asking people questions and letting them talk, but knowing a little about the topic they’re taking about makes for better questions.

-3. Get Out There

Other people have touched on social hobbies, but it bears repeating. There’s not really a better way to find a partner than going to gatherings of people with similar interests. That’s where all the people who like the same stuff as you are.

Plus, the more you get out there, the better you’ll get at communicating.

It took me years to find my wife, but the journey developed me as a person, and I had a surprising amount of fun in the process.

Yeah, he loves this stuff, decent content usually.

I gotta back them up. I’ve only been to a handful of Buc-ee’s, but every one had multiple signs saying no semis. Maybe it’s a regional thing?

Nothing new, I remember ads on banana stickers 15 years ago

This is so stupid, that’s not the cure for fascism, beating them with bats?! Honestly.

That’s a short term treatment at best. At least drive some nails in that thing.

Eh, that’s kinda hat-on-a-hat. The plain heart print is better on its own.

I’m trying okay? I’ve been looking for white boxer briefs with hearts on them for years. I haven’t found any options that aren’t trash.

Stfu dude, secret means secret

That’s a Christmas to me 🎶

Or whatever