The same happened to one of mine. The doctor said it might stay gone after I removed it on my own (it was easy and painless) but it still came back again so we let it grow out a little until they could do their thing again. I don’t remember it being as bad the second time because there wasn’t much nail that survived the first round, so it was really just clean up. It never came back again after round two.

wtf, they took the whole nail off!? Not that I’d really mind, for the reasons you’ve stated. Ingrown toenails somehow run in my family, but when I get the permanent procedure done the doctor still just removes a slice off on the side. What made them do the entire nail?

I thought about my answer before opening the comments and I feel validated to find you already posted it verbatim.

For me it comes down to how you use language. Mental health is important to me and I recognize the power of words, so I care more about the impact of language use. No matter how much you reassure people that it’s okay to fail, failing still feels bad. It makes people feel like … a failure. That seems counterproductive and unnecessary to me. Why make people feel bad when they did nothing wrong?

You can specify exactly how and why it’s a failure if you want, and you’re not technically wrong. I’m just not principally concerned with being technically correct in the first place. I’m reframing the standard narrative because I hate to see it go unchallenged. So for anyone who’s hurting and reads this and feels like shit, this time I’ll be the one to say something.

That’s what I strive for in any relationship: staying together purely because we choose to. I don’t want someone to stay with me for any other reason, and I want my partner to know that I choose them. Not out of obligation or necessity, but because I truly want them close to me. It’s simple but meaningful.

It’s also okay to fail. I agree with that as well. I just won’t see a relationship - marriage or not - as a failure if it brought two people happiness for a while until they amicably decide to end it. It’s only a failure when it makes them miserable or when they end it by needlessly hurting the other person. But… that’s still okay if they can at least see what they did wrong and learn from it. We all make mistakes.

I see it mostly as a legal contract and legal status, but with a lot of extra baggage heaped on top. It’s an overloaded concept that tries to cover too many things at once, making them all suffer. Separate out the legal business and you’d lose the need for an explicit declaration that this union is to exist in perpetuity until cancelled by either party. Sure sounds full of romance when stated that way, doesn’t it?

But realistically, we all know you can get divorced. While we might hope it’ll be forever, we also know we’re still not gonna stick around if things get too bad (nor should we). Nobody has the shocked pikachu face when marriage isn’t forever after all. No matter what the vows say, in practice we pretty well accept that it’s a big commitment, but not a permanent one.

I think it definitely applies to relationships. It does you and any of your partners a disservice to say your relationship was only a success if one of you died.

A person isn’t a thing you possess. They have needs that grow and change with them. If those needs ever stop being compatible with the relationship, then the relationship should end. That’s not failure. It’s wanting the person you love to be happy.

Online dating is brutal and something I learned to avoid. But if you go that route, don’t make it more than it is. If you think of any part of it as a once in a blue moon opportunity, you’re going to go through hell with nothing to show for it. For both practical results and your mental health, it can’t feel important. When you’re lonely and trying to find someone, it’s really hard to get into that mentality, but it’s crucial.

A match is nothing. Meeting up for the first time is barely interesting. Don’t expect anything from it. Don’t get your hopes up. It’s literally just a conversation. So go into it looking to have a fun conversation. Having fun with it is winning because it makes you more fun to be around, and even if you only have fun conversations you’re still having fun.

Fun is the goal. If you end up making a friend or two out of it, that’s a bonus. You might meet even more people through those new friends. Keep at it long enough and the numbers work in your favor. But that could be a while, so this is just some fun thing you do, like your daily Duolingo lesson. Neither is that serious or useful … but kinda. ish.

I can assume there’s a lot of missing context and detail because a long term relationship can’t be condensed into a text post, but even then this is the hardest thing to excuse: “couples therapy would be a waste because it’s your fault anyway.” The first thing you learn in couples therapy is that blame is not helpful. You both play a role in how the relationship is going. As long as they’re convinced you’re the main problem, this can’t be fixed. It’s a flawed and hurtful assumption that actively makes the problem worse. If they can’t take some ownership over their own actions and needs, you’ll just be caught in an endless cycle of getting blamed for everything while nothing you do is ever good enough. Sound familiar?

I’m not going to assume they’re toxic or that the relationship is doomed. Those are questions worth asking yourself, but we don’t have enough information. They could also just be a normal person that never learned how to have healthy relationships when things get tough, and they’re stuck in a maladaptive pattern. It’s those people that benefit most from couple’s therapy. If you go that route, Gottman and EFT are good choices, but I understand it’s expensive. It can still be helpful to buy the books and read through them on your own (John Gottman has many, and Sue Johnson some as well). I would be wary of anybody who tries too hard to avoid or discredit it, though. That’s a red flag to me.

For your situation, once your partner stops seeing you as the problem, you can start seeing each other as allies against a problem you need to solve together. In the example you gave here, I see earplugs as a remarkably simple and effective solution that’s very easy to figure out when you’re not laser focused on the ADHD bogeyman being at fault for everything. If you’re going to be up later for whatever reason, they can just use earplugs and not be disturbed. No hurt, no rushing home, you can even take care of the dishes. If that’s not good for some reason, there are other things like white noise, sleep aids, etc. The point is to break down the problem into what each of you need, then work together to find a solution that serves both of you. No more, no less. If one of your needs is not getting met or one of you consistently has trouble doing the thing, then find a different solution.

You’ve also said they feel you don’t care because of the forgetfulness. I don’t think it’s that simple. Obviously, I would take those feelings seriously, but you can have a healthy relationship with a partner who feels cared for and be very forgetful. The problem is that the relationship isn’t healthy right now. Even if you remembered everything perfectly, that fact wouldn’t change. I think it’s more that the forgetfulness is like a trigger or a reminder of these latent feelings that are always there. But even if there are things you can do to make them feel more cared for, this didn’t happen in isolation and it didn’t happen overnight. You’re stuck in a pattern with each other based on learned expectations and reactions that built up over years. Figuring those out and learning how to untangle them is what a good couples therapist helps you with. That’s why their response to the suggestion is inexcusable.

I can’t help with your primary request, but on the chance that you aren’t able to find a better solution, it seems worth mentioning that four months is probably too long. I’m not an expert or anything, but I did look into it when I had to take a drug test. If someone has corrections to what I found, I would be interested to hear them because it may not be the last I have to deal with it either.

What I learned is that exact time varies, but two months is on the long end. One month is common. You can even test negative in as little as two weeks, but it requires specific effort and still might not be enough if the test is really strict or sensitive.

There are a lot of tricks for trying to quickly prepare for a drug test, but the most simple and reliable if you aren’t on a major time crunch is just fiber and water. Eat lots of greens and stay hydrated. That helps your body naturally get rid of the THC, making 3-4 weeks a more likely time frame.

If he’s already suffering through a detox, you can at least shorten that by quite a bit. Also, it will get easier over time. While weed is way less addictive and easier to get off of than a lot of other drugs, it still has side effects like the ones you’re describing when you try to quit.

I still hope you find a better doctor, but don’t lose hope even if you can’t. This is doable and it’s not as impossible as it seems. It is bullshit and unfair though. Best of luck to you both.

Full disclosure, I’m not officially diagnosed yet, but hopefully will be within a few weeks.

I stream and, as you’d expect, most of the other streamers I follow and get along with are either openly neurodivergent or I notice the signs. The tags I’ve seen include Autism, ADHD, AuDHD, Neurodivergent, and task related keywords like Body Doubling. I would also say that the game matters. If you are looking for games you’re already into, chances are they probably appeal to other neurodivergent folk as well. But if you’re more interested in fun people and good communities regardless of game, the factory games like Factorio and Satisfactory are an obvious gold mine.

I’d rather not post my channel as I’m not trying to advertise and I keep it separate from my other online accounts, but I think the above should dig up plenty. If not, I might be able to give suggestions if I knew more about what you’re looking for. It depends on how familiar I am with it. I don’t really follow a lot of popular games or streamers.

Psychedelics are pretty unique drugs marred by lots of misinformation and media bias. The relevant bit for this though is that you aren’t on them all the time. Habitual users may use them up to once a week, and even that is pushing it over the long term. Many users treat them with deep respect and have a more ritualized usage. For example, instead of getting high every weekend they try to make time once every month or two and it’s a very intentional experience with music or nature or both, or whatever else works for them.

So you might be high for 8 hours every month or two. That’s a pretty realistic estimate. Yet despite that tiny amount of time spent actually on the drug, people do say it changes their life for the better. It’s still not for everybody though. They can be mentally challenging in ways that are difficult to describe, but it’s a lot to get into and trying to summarize would not be helpful.

Psychedelics seem amazing. Shrooms have changed my life and I’d love to explore some others if I ever get the opportunity. It’s a crime against humanity that they’ve been so vilified.

Tribute? You steal men’s souls, and make them your slaves!

Hearsay af but I have heard of that amount being taken. The dude was never the same again, though. Whether for better or worse is harder to say. He didn’t regret it at least, and seemed to be doing well. But he definitely saw some shit.

The advice to socialize offline is good and well meaning, but it’s also not what you’re asking.

I’ve found a lot of very positive communities through smaller Twitch streams. I mean like under 50 average viewers tops, usually quite a bit smaller than even that. It’s easy if you like gaming, but there are channels for everything. The nice thing is you can just drop into a channel and lurk for a while to get the vibe, then leave if it’s not the kind of energy you’re looking for.

There are plenty of downsides. Even if it goes well, most of the people you meet will be far away. Parasocial relationships are something to be aware of to make sure you don’t fall into that trap, especially if you’re lonely. Also, there’s good and bad like anywhere else. But, it’s also common to hear people in these spaces express gratitude for the support and friendship they’ve found there that exceeded their expectations.

I don’t want to undersell or oversell it, really. It’s an option that’s easy to try and might work, but be careful like with anything. Making an effort to get out more is good, too, whenever time and energy permit. I don’t think offline and online spaces can replace each other - they each excel at different things. I hope you find your community. Or several.

I can’t remember the specific examples (surprising nobody), but I have had at least a couple occasions where I found traces of something I’d done that showed me I did actually react that exact same way some while previously and forgot about it entirely. In one case, a friend stopped mid conversation to say, “Wait. Haven’t we had this exact conversation before?,” and I while it wasn’t as concrete as finding my own evidence, I was pretty sure he was right.

It’s almost like a coping mechanism, even if I don’t do it intentionally. My life is a book, but at any given moment I might not know what happened on the last page or three. So I have to just figure it out and act how I would act even when I’m clueless.