I’m almost a year and a half post lower surgery. I’ve historically done pretty well dilating and kept really good depth. In the last few months though I’ve lost a bit of depth, I can still dilate to depth with a bit of work and some pain and blood but it’s not fun and I suspect the bleeding part isn’t the best sign.
I’ve been having a lot of difficulty being motivated to dilate though. I went through a divorce a bit ago, I lost most of my partners, the one who hasn’t broken up with me I don’t see anymore since I left the US. I’m in college again in my thirties so everyone I interact with is much younger than me.
I don’t have anyone to physically interact with. It’s making it really difficult for me to go through the process of dilating. Like I feel there’s no real benefit or justification to putting in all the work if nobody is going to utilize it with me anyway. I don’t know the next time I’m going to have even a casual physical interaction with anyone. The only physical contact I’ve had with anyone for two months is two or three handshakes. It’s ruining my mental health, when I dilate all I can think about is not having anyone around to hold or touch me. It’s emotionally exhausting on top of being a mix of boring and painful.
I’m supposed to be dilating once a week, I can maintain depth with some difficulty if I go every other week. I’ve been going more like 3 weeks between because it feels like such a hurdle now.
Not really sure what I’m looking for in posting here. Maybe I just need to let it out a bit, my social circle is still a mess I don’t have many people I can talk with about things like this.
Depth loss is generally permanent, though width loss is not. You a should ask a gyno or your surgeon about it, but generally I’d say don’t push it too hard to try to regain depth, it may just cause more damage and pain. But definitely don’t stop.
You’ll regret it later if you lose all of your depth and need surgery to restore it which can be expensive, hard to find without long wait lists, and may even be illegal soon.
You can try dilators that aren’t as wide to reduce pain and give up some of the width for now. It will be painful and take time and patience to regain, but if you think it’s going to help you actually do it, that might be an option. Losing depth is a big issue, though. Try not to let it go if you can help it.
I know depression can make it difficult. Try to reward yourself for doing it. Get some ice cream or your favorite desert for afterwards or something like that. I don’t have sex with people with penises usually, but I plan to keep my depth as long as humanly possible just to feel healthy and feel more like a woman. Try thinking of it not in terms of what people want to use of you. It’s your body. It’s part of you. It’s not just a fancy fleshlight. 🫂